#LoveFest Day 1

‚ÄčI hold back from loving me because I have been abused the majority of my life that I just believed it was all i was deserving of. I have hurt friends and family because I didn’t know how to forgive them or myself because I had so much hate and self-loathing I didn’t know how else to deal. I was bullied by family members and always made to feel ugle. I figured if my own family didn’t love me or had an issue with how I looked, why should “I” love me?
Dear Cyndi, 

You deserve love because you give so much of yourself to other, you’ve had the strenght to go through various types of abuse and assaults and come out more loving and forgiving than you used to be, and you have helped so many others get through their issues and pain. What people did to you does NOT define you. YOU do. You are worthy of so much love and the beautiful people in your circle are proof of that.#LoveFest

Fear running rampant

The last couple of months have been a little rough for me. I’m finally getting help health wise from the VA and they put me on meds for high bp, anxiety, and depression.  It’s taken awhile for my meds to fully kick in and while my anxiety has calmed some, it’s still there. With the way things are with Neo-Nazis running around free to do what they want, the LGBT community and women’s rights are getting set back 50 years, and we have a misogynist, sexist, failed businessman screwing our country 50 ways to Sunday I’m terrified just like everyone else. 

I am a Pansexual, Pagan woman who has a lot of family and friends who are also LGBTQ+ and we are all afraid of what our country is turning into. So many deaths that should have been prevented. So many rapists that are being given probation. 

I served this country in the USN and the Michigan Army National Guard but lately it is NOT the country I grew up in or the country I believed in when I wore the uniform. I swore to protect this country from enemies domestic or foreign and I will stick to that oath. People are so filled with hate. If you are not white, not Christian, not straight, and not male, you run the risk of being bullied, harassed, beat up, or killed. That is NOT what this country is. This country was created to get away from tyrannical rule. Our Founding Fathers put together our Constitution to make sure our ENTIRE country had rights. The right of Freedom of the Press, Freedom of Religion, and a few years ago, the LGBT+ community got the Freedom to love whoever they want but that is not how a lot of people in our country are acting.  

I hate it and it makes me more mad and afraid than I let on.  This is the United States for goodness sakes! NO ONE should be afraid to walk out of their door, go out clubbing, go on a date, or be afraid just because their skin is a different color!! 

How are you feeling about this turmoil?  

WARNING: Anything that comes across as harassment or hate, it will be deleted and blocked from this page. This is a SAFE space for people to discuss their fears, to share their survival as assault and/or abuse victims, and mental health issues.

~Ivy~

Found online

Introduction

Hi everyone. I am Cyndi Pilcher. I am 47 years old and married to the love of my life. I have two amazing kids and 3 beautiful grandchildren. I am also a recovering alcoholic and a survivor.

My life of abuse, sexual assault, rape, and alcoholism is what this blog will be about. I want to share my story so that others will know they are not alone. I know quite a few people that have been abused and assaulted and  I know there are many others out there that have been that are afraid to come forward. Hopefully sharing what I have been through and what I have overcome will bring others out to talk about it. 

I will also be discussing mental health issues as they affect me and my loved ones. I hope you come along with me on my journey. I’ve come a long way but I still a long way to go. 

Many blessings,

Cyn

My story

Here is where I will share my story, my struggle with alcoholism, and how I am swimming through the darkness to keep my sanity. Hopefully by sharing my story, others will see they are not alone and maybe find strength to keep going.

Stay Strong and Keep Moving Forward!

~Cyn~